The mysterious adventures of Mr Ann Summers
by magentafreak
Summary: Brad finds his root of plesure with a little help from a friend and a sexy shop new chapter up!
1. Default Chapter

_Welcome everyone to Fynn's and Kate's story! Brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum, the world's first ever combined hair oil, foot ointment, and salad dressing. And the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile! You never know when it'll go off! Surprise your friends, amuse your enemies, start the party with a bang! As usual we own no one. (Yet :D just wait and see evil laugh here) We hope you enjoy it. We will finish it at some point. (This is Kate by the way cause Fynn has gone to work to tell people were the eggs and milk is.) (semi skinned is harder to find). So here we go…on with the show!_

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Their once lived a man a man with long legs his name was Brad. He however hadn't thought much about the length of his legs until he met Janet and tried on her skirts and clothes and looked down at long lovely legs.

Janet's skirts soon became tiring. And he longed for more. He longed for the sensual feelings of silk, and satin, for sparkles and glamour. Janet's wardrobe did not hold these, so he went on a shopping spree to Ann summers.

So, Brad tried inconspicuously to enter Ann summers, when he hit upon the clever idea of pretending that he's purchasing a present for Janet, so confidently he walked in and was blown away by what he saw. It was all of his dreams come true.

So many shapes, styles, textures that he longed to pull over his smooth skin - for Brad's only giveaway was the shaving of himself he quickly grabbed any thing and everything and walked up to the counter nervously said something about the honeymoon night, paid and left as fast as possible.

Paranoia crept in to his head, he felt as if eyes had been watching him. The nervousness gave him cheap thrills. He ran home up to their room and tried on the underwear but little did he know some one followed him home.

Unaware to Brad, the person was staring right into the window, looking at him in the softly lit bedroom as Brad tried on outfit after outfit. He then started to put on Janet's make up. Lots of mascara and eyeliner to make his eyes look bigger. Then slowly and seductively he applied red lipstick and stared at himself in the mirror pleased with the image that looked back. The person came in the house slowly up the stairs.

Brad concentrated on trying to fit all of himself into the tiny underwear - it was a pleasurable challenge that took so much concentration he didn't hear the person by the door...

Brad after putting the makeup on and fitting him self in the underwear started cleaning and talking to himself like a woman tidying away his manly clothes, he didn't want any reminders of them not now he had finally found his true nature

He put on some music and started to dance the person entered the room. He danced obliviously to the gentle music, a step her, a jump there... Then he turned - "oh its you..."

"Yes brad its me!"

"But how? Why, what..." Brad was so shocked that he made no attempt to cover himself or his clothing up.

"Oh come on brad you know you've been followed and I know you like it and you like me so don't fight it any more."

"But, Janet, no, I mean stop..."

"Oh come on Brad! Let me try some on please?"

"I never thought you'd ever ... really, wow this is like a dream..."

"Come here...let me put them on for you."

"Ooo what gentle hands you have."

"What smooth soft skin."

"I get the feeling you know perfectly well how to do up a corset." said Brad cheekily.

"You could be right... but I notice that you're still doing for me anyway" was the reply holding his hands very tightly around Brad's waist...

"No wait stop Janet what if she comes in?"

"I locked the doors on my way in, and she's probably stuck in traffic anyhow... Come on..."

"Oh! oh alright but just the once."

No more words were necessary, all it took was one deep stare of those mascara's eyes and Brad couldn't go back. He was in heaven instantly forget about just the once he really didn't care if Janet walked in.

"Hell, " thought Brad "she can bloody join in!" He whispered to himself as he clothes came off.

Just as those words came into his head in walked Janet herself - who promptly screamed, and left again. The reappeared after composing herself, and started to question Brad.

"What are you doing?" She screamed at him in a high pitched tone.

"Dam it, Janet I've been set free!"

"Oh brad get back in the cage what will the neighbors say I thought you'd got out of this stage. We saw a specialist and everything."

"The neighbors don't have to know dam it, in fact I don't give a damming damn what they say dam it! This is who I am and if it makes me feel good then I'll dam well do it!"

"Brad whose this?" She asked pointing at the stranger.

"This?" The stranger coolly interrupted " Is your old and new best friend. It was I that introduced Brad to this world of girly pleasure, in an effort to make him more attractive to you." He turned his hypnotic gaze directly onto Janet " You see... he did it to be closer to you, to be adventurous and hey, no one will know I won't say a word,"

"Ooooo," said Janet in a girly way "but Brad oh" she looked deep into the eyes of the stranger then at brad she must admit he was very attractive and looked happy than he had ever looked.

Slipping slowly over to the pair of naughty boys she whispered,

"I'm very upset... I'll need so much love to make up for the upset you've caused Brad... You can apologies in kisses! Both of you!"

"Oh Janet we can do more than kisses."

'This is getting out of depth' Thought Janet, but she went along with it anyway.

Just as things were getting deeper the phone started to ring. This really annoyed the stranger who called out for someone to answer it then the ringing stopped.

"Is there some one else in the house?" asked Janet.

_Oooooooo what next? We'll tell you when we know. Or we'll finish it if you all like it. All opinions welcome (as long as they're nice)! Also anyone seen or listened to SPAMALOT yet? Ive got the CD Tim Curry still sounds super sexy! (Kate again btw) _


	2. Suprise guest

Ok here is me Kate once again cause Fynn has gone to a gig ! Lucky for some. This second chapter is brought to you by Gothic frog designs. Gothic frog designs is a new innovative business selling only hand made craft items such as cards, bookmarks and now tops ! Have a look at warning we have gone a little crazy with this chapter but its still fun so we hope you enjoy. Hopefully more to come from us crazy two.

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"Yeah!" replied the stranger " I don't travel with out protection." With that, Janet promptly screamed and fainted again! 

"Oh Janet " said Brad who then shoved her off the bed and attacked the stranger with kisses. Brad failed miserably at this, mainly because when he had stripped he had removed his glasses, and attacked without seeing the stranger.

"Well Brad if id have known you loved the sheets that much then I would have left you to it"

"But I don't understand I'm SUPER BRAD I can't miss "

"Super Brad! My hero!" said Janet, fluttering her eyelashes as she came round.

"Oh Janet" he said holding her in his arms trying to get away with the fact he pushed her off. This time, the stranger stepped forward and started to stroke brad's behind.

"Do you mind? We were having a moment here" says brad...indicating to Janet. Whispering "I don't want no trouble with the missus"

"FINE" shouted the stranger pouting who turned on his heels and left the room. Moments later they herd some more people come up the stairs. Janet, (who was getting bored of fainting ) decided that the best thing to do would be to scream. So she did, and all the people rushed faster to see what all the fuss was about.

Through the door in burst your mum!

That's right reader, this story was written just for you! Because your mum asked us to this is all your getting for christmas this year so you better enjoy it! Yeah, and we know what's in that bag under your bed as well, so you better keep reading you naughty minx you! Anyway..back to the situation...

"Mum!" screamed Brad and Janet "We can explain!"

"YOU BETTER EXPLAIN CHILD!" Mum shouted, hitting Brad with her handbag.

"well mum I was out shopping for... fruit yeah fruit mum then I came home and started to clean the house. Like you told me to mum. When this strange man knocked me out fastened me to a chair and forced me in to Janet's underwear. And that's the truth mum. Honest mum it is!"

" Where's the fruit I'm feeling peckish" said Janet, missing the point spectacularly.

Brad gave her a sharp nudge and mum gave Brad a knowing stare you know the one that she gave you when it was you who ate all the chocolate only 10 times worse!

Then brad gave a "I'm your perfect son" smile and your mum melted because that's what mum's do.

"At least you're eating all the fruit instead of all the chocolate - you're a healthy mummies boy!" said your mum hugging Brad in the mum arms.

" I know mum. Was there anything particular that you came around for?"

"Just to ask if you needed any washing done" and saying so she scooped up all of brad's male clothes and promptly left again.

(by the way she made a lot of noise on the way in , just to fool you into thinking it was a crowd on the stairs) not that i forgot that (well everyone knows mums are loud)

"Well Brad what do we do now?" ask Janet.

Back to the bumpety bump thought brad hopefully. "you decide dear" he said out loud.

"Lets go shopping" she replied dragging Brad down to the high street. Skillfully they ended up outside that same fateful Ann Summers shop - along with the saucy stranger that got off with Brad before.

"Let's go in" suggested the stranger.

"OK" shouted Brad who didn't need telling more than once and he ran into the store.

"Come on Janet "said the stranger "we need to make it up to you remember "

So in went the trio and luckily brad didn't have to use the honeymoon excuse this time, because it was a different lady behind the counter.

Janet went straight to the boring white pants/surprised? (Your mum wouldn't be)

The stranger went of with Brad to the sparkly black and red section and started to hold up what they liked to show each other.

Gasp said your mum, even though she wasn't there. (Legally we have to mention her 50 times or more or we don't get paid for this Christmas present)

"Mum!" cried Brad "stop gasping mum. Mum you need to breath normally" (how many we at?) (Not sure)

Mum began to behave like a normal mum and stopped being unmum like and more breathy and mum-ish (think that'll do it?) (26 so far)

Just as they had decided what to buy , and Janet had picked sum up for mum in walked your mum again.

"What are you doing in Ann summers mum?" asked Brad, quickly dropping the fancy thong that he was holding behind his back.

"Ann summers? I thought this was marks and spencers" replied mum.

"Oh mum you are silly aren't you (no offense please still pay us. Leve the cash under the park bench at noon) Come on mum well buy what we need here and then take you to the mum mum shop shop of all mums in the mum world ok mum?"

"Indeed" replied mum, then mum went off merrily in her mum like way.

"M(mum)mmmmmmm" this underwear looks tasty said the stranger to Brad.

"hummmum" it sure does he replied.

"Hey what's the deal with all the mums ? Have the writers gone mum mad?" asked the stranger.

"Maybe they have dear, but as long as you get lots of sexy action i dont think it matters! "

And with that they took mum swiftly to M&S, then went back to the bedroom with Janet in tow.

"Now were did we get to?" asked Brad begging for action knowing that his mum was out shopping.

Ah well you see, its up to the reader now, as its their present. We could just wriggle into underwear while their deciding? Yeah sounds good what do you think Kate? Yep lets go for that so tell us what to write (anything at all youve seen how mad we are) and well have fun untill we know what you want next and with that, we close the chapter! Closes chapter (mum) Mummy mummy mum oh mum mum mum mum ! Almost there!" shouted mum

"MUM, STOP MUM MUM MUM ING ABOUT SO WE CAN FINISH THE CHAPTER MUM!" yelled Fynn n Kate in unison.

"Go to your rooms you bad girls" your mum, shouted at us. Well tell her that's were we were going anyway so: p !

In fact Kate, I have to go make pasta now mumm muumm pasta.

Ok byeee. So I once again I get the last words. Hope you've enjoyed this mad chapter. We did go a little of plot but hey more to come. I wonder if I can get the knights of the round table in … ( BTW 64 mums in total not counting that one so tell her we need paying!)


	3. suprise star

With mum safely out of the way, Fynn and a third, sexy yet mysterious writer of this story sneaked back to watch the scene. Well, with them back in the bedroom we can continue the story.

With an Ann Summer's carrier bag flung over his shoulder camp style - brad led the way over to the bed where he strutted his funky stuff in his sexy clothing.

"Ooo" sighed Janet - (she had decided that it was safer than screaming and fainting) "ahhhh" "mmm". Brad took this as a good sign and continued strutting, but then he was suddenly pounced on by Colombia who appeared out of thin air in front of them

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" she screamed completely randomly clad in spandex IVE JUST GOT BACK FROM DISNEYLAND AND I HAVE HAD SOOO MUCH SUGAR WHATS GOING ON? THIS LOOKS LIKE FUN CAN I JOIN IN? OOOOYAYYYWOOOPRETTYBOY!" she kept pouncing, humming Disney theme tunes and was in danger of having a sugar coma.

Brad agrees...he likes the threesome idea...so he waits on Janet to take the hint, put on the underwear and stop searching all around the room.

"What are you looking for love?" purred Brad.

"No" replied Janet "I'm looking for that fruit, I'm still peckish you know" Colombia then realised the other things you can do with fruit and then she also realised how peckish she was from her journey.

So they both dug into a randomly passing banana mmm bannalicious! Indeed.

Brad feeling left out dug into a flying melon.

Ok its Kate again. (I heard that moan!) This is as far as the two got due to Dads saying that he will steal her computer. I think we should have cheeses in here too. Ok stay tuned for more coming soon.


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